Dear Odegaard Undergraduate Library,
Thank you for providing me with textbooks that I cannot afford to buy, and thank you for providing me with a view of the Seattle skyline from your corner desk on the silent floor. However, I do recommend that you get new carpets and I don't appreciate the greasy books from everyone else touching them. If you could provide me with freshly laundered textbooks (especially during cold and flu season) I would greatly appreciate it. If it wouldn't raise my tuition by 100% I might ask you to even burn yourself to the ground and start over.
Thank you again for your academic support.